If there's one thing I resent about being a crossdreamer, it's that during a lifetime of learning to deal with my desire to emulate women I've been forced to go it alone most of the time. Lack of materials (clothing), resources (time, privacy, money) and experience (peer support/feedback/counseling) left me no alternative but to rely on my own limited intellect when it came to feeling out the territory. A creative mind, like water, finds ways around obstacles in its path, even when it must deviate from it's intended course. This is a recurring theme in nature. In living organisms, we call it "survival instinct."
If I may reduce it to simplest terms: At some point, I responded to my pitiful lack of membership in a female society by developing an attraction to women who found the idea of dressing me as a woman appealing. I won't try to pass this off as some personal evolution, since a) it never worked, and b) clearly my cross-gendered persona hadn't depended on it, otherwise I'd be doing anything else right now besides typing up this blog. But all that doesn't detract from the fact that submission to a woman with makeover mania has its own wing in my fantasy gallery. In fact, I'm not alone, not at all; a great many members of the crossdreaming culture have the same obsession, to varying degrees.
As I mentioned before, there are dozens of websites dedicated to crossdream fantasies, and in the dominance/submission category there are, again, recurring themes. Shall I explore these now? Yes, I shall, beginning on the "vanilla" end of the spectrum:
Friendly Fun For Everyone
I've already written about how Erica and Penny dressed me up as a woman for Halloween in college, and how they enjoyed the process of selecting my outfit, doing my hair, nails and makeup, and showing me off to our friends. At the time, this was the ultimate wish fulfillment as far as I was concerned. It definitely inspired a parade of bigger and better possible realities with which I'd learn to tantalize myself, but I would eventually understand that this was the best kind of crossdreaming fantasy, simply because it's the kind most likely to happen.
|They're discussing whether to dress up Molly's cousin as a Goth chick,|
a French maid, or a Disney princess. Likely, a combination of all three.
The younger the girls, the more open they are to social perversity, especially in groups. When this mindset encounters the concept of their gender opposites switching roles, their enthusiasm doubles. I don't have the numbers to back me up, but I suspect the most frequent occurrence of boys acquiescing to feminine makeovers by their female friends and/or partners takes place during the late high school/early college years. Well, okay, this was how it happened for me, but the theory is sound!
Honestly, though, it wasn't hard to find girls in college who wanted access to my feminine side. True, they didn't want so much access that I started asking to borrow their outfits, but there were plenty of opportunities to make myself available. If I was hanging out with some coeds in their dorm room, and my bare feet happened to be hanging off the bed while they were doing their nails, I ended up with a pedicure. With my long hair, a casual evening of platonic conversation occasionally turned into "fun with curlers." It was so easy to get my female friends to make me over for Halloween, because all I did was demonstrate how easy it would be, effectively giving them permission. It was practically my idea, and they ran with it!
In short, this is the most common fantasy we 'dreamers have. It involves the people we trust and look up to the most, provides a safe environment, and grants us the ability to openly enjoy ourselves.
|Becoming "one of the girls" will also create a lasting bond.|
Especially when blackmail photos are used as leverage.
According to crossdream legend, there exists a kind of woman who not only demonstrates a marked curiosity in the average heterosexual male cross-dresser, but has also reached the point of wanting to help that special girl emerge from hiding... at all costs. In fact, she takes particular pleasure in encouraging her transgendered friend to spend more time exploring her femininity. Encouragement becomes insistence. Insistence becomes relentless pressure, eventually resulting in the crossdreamer losing touch with every semblance of her masculine gender and spending virtually every waking moment in the world this "sponsor" has helped her build.
|Just pray your mentor has good taste.|
Or at least watches "What Not To Wear."
This is a very popular fantasy, which I now believe begins to take shape right after a trans-girl realizes that even the most fun-loving girlfriend doesn't have any intention of playing fashion pimp to her trannie beau, even on the occasional Halloween. Wouldn't it be much nicer - and easier - to meet someone who actually wants us to act more like a woman? Who gently but firmly leads us by the hand towards complete gender renovation? Who removes our decision-making power so that we're effectively no longer responsible for any lifestyle changes, thus free from the guilt of hurting the other people in our lives?
This woman would likely be a distant cousin to the yetis of Nepal, since she too is often sighted but never proven to exist. Ah, well, imagination certainly has benefits.
|"Sometimes, me feel pretty too..."|
Admittedly, I myself have succumbed to such lurid dreams, with the additional burden of a libido that has, since adolescence, formed permanent bonds of arousal with the sensation of wearing certain feminine attire - a combination of stimuli that renders me hopelessly attracted to the idea of being in someone's thrall when I'm en femme. Thorough readers will recall Mallory, who I dated in high school, and how she enjoyed tormenting me with a devilish promise to make me over as a girl for Halloween, which I totally let her believe was akin to my worst nightmare so she'd keep wanting to do it. This is the closest I've ever come to seeing my forced feminization fantasy come true, though it never happened.
The fantasy evolves further once the "dominant/submissive" element is introduced, leading the ever-searching crossdreamer to explore a variety of flavors that include bondage, hetero/homosexual experimentation, role playing, and body modification. Once again I admit that my curiosity has ventured this far, but remain inexperienced.
As you might have noticed by now, there are no examples of my personal fantasies regarding anything mentioned in this category. My blog runneth over already, so I'll end on a short, sweet note... And I'm just gonna keep it vanilla, if ya'll don't mind.
|#1 on Holli's Super Girly Fun List: Just Being One of the Girls|